just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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