I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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