so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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