I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
