you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
