I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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