Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
