What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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