I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
