I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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