So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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