I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
