Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
