What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
