you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
