I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
