can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
