Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
