my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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