Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That accounts for only three of the penises
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
