remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
