dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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