We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
