you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
