it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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