How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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