I just made out with a guy for $7.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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