After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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