if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
