Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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