Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
