god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
