I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
