okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
