He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
