Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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