I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
