i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
