The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
