She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
