So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
