I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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