I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
