he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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