She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
