if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
