she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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