and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
