I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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