Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
