and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
