Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
