This is not my ceiling
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
