While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
