It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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