So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
