wat bout pragnant strippers??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
