Kiss
Puke
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
