I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
