They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
